


If you were church

by herrscher



Category: Elsword (Video Game)
Genre: Christianity, Fantasy Religion, In which Apostasia listens to Richter pray to Ishmael to feel warm inside, Religion, Religious Imagery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-27
Updated: 2018-01-27
Packaged: 2019-03-10 08:00:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13497904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/herrscher/pseuds/herrscher
Summary: I'd get on my knees.Godly existence aside, Richter isn't a good substitute for the radiance Ishmael exudes, the warmth Apostasia misses. But, in his situation, it's a quick remedy.





	If you were church

There are times when he questions his apostasy, challenges the disbelief, suspension of faith. Seeing Richter, bathed in glory and godliness and everything that was right in Ishmael's image, a lesser god in his own right, soul at a wavelength where if he claimed to be a priest, it wouldn't be too much of a stretch. He looks like the robes befit him, like he belongs in a cathedral, steepled buildings and imagery of faith and goddess alike, and he almost compares it to those silly books he found once of Christianity and God.

If there ever was a being close enough to be compared to Jesus, it surely would be him, a divine judge eternally on the goddess' side, destined to be the righteousness in the world, combatting his own defection, as if he could be likened to that Lucifer, God's most-loved angel, one who fell and rose of his own right. A god of those abandoned. The first apostasy committed. God picks and chooses his loved, terrifies those who dare to oppose him, and Satan lifts up the abandoned, gives them a place to belong.

Does he count as being as righteous as Lucifer, though? Does his situation count as the same, being abandoned and finding himself stronger in the void? Is pain and suffering not for the purpose of bettering oneself? Or is this yet another tribulation of his existence, and he's unknowingly following the will of the goddess? Such thoughts haunt him, follow him almost like the eye of Henir at his back, always with him and not easily removed or shaken. Perhaps he was wrong.

Or perhaps he was right, and just terrified, much like those humans with their so-called God. Is his fear necessary? Is any emotion, at all, in regard to Ishmael, truly necessary and warranted? Does she truly deserve it, or is his worry just him throwing himself one last pity party, as if he deserves it, deserves her glory and light and love, her warmth and radiance?

He's accepted that he's forfeited any claim to her godliness, her wisdom and power, with his decent into Henir, his corruption and his apostasy, but when his eyes fall on Richter, he almost feels out-of-body, thinking of how, of all the outcomes possible, he remains unloved and wandering, searching for acceptance while, in another time, he could have had everything.

He would call it unfair, but he knows that he's not in the place to choose what is fair and what isn't. There is no fair and unfair for him, only what he deserves and what he doesn't. One who walks alongside the goddess deserves it all, and he is undeserving of most.

So, why is it that he finds himself in a pew, on his knees, listening to Richter's prayers in an empty chapel, basking in that radiance? Why is it that he finds comfort in prayers said aloud in German, a tongue that only they know, foreign to the rest of the party?

"Göttin, wie es dein wille ist," and he closes his eyes at the beginning of his closing prayer, finds comfort in familiar words, "zeig mir den weg des schutzes."

Apostasia looks over at him for a moment, Richter's eyes closed in prayer, pendulum in his hands as if it were a rosary. "Gib mir deine gnade um durchzukommen, und gib mir deine worte, um meine seele zu führen."

The next words that leave his mouth, new additions, shake him to the core, and leave him wondering if the other knew he was there the entire time.

"Und führe diejenigen die sich zu deinem glauben zurückgezogen haben. Amen."

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, hello, I'm back at it again (but with my first fic on this account, holy hell).
> 
> The prayer is as follows:
> 
> "Goddess, as it is your will, show me the way of protection. Give me your grace to go on, and give me your words to guide my soul. And lead those who have left to your faith. Amen."


End file.
